Psychotic  Episode 3: True Natures Pt 1
by Glod
Summary: Control is a skill Jay treasures above all else but can she stop herself from losing it?
1. Waves

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Justice League/ JLU.

**Psychotic**

**Waves**

Jay stood in her customary position, staring out at the stars on the main deck of the Tower control room. It was the day after the night she'd been personally responsible for taking out Dr Destiny- and the crash after the adrenaline rush had been hard and painful. She'd stayed on an unnatural high for a good six hours after she beamed back up to the watchtower. Batman had even given her a nod of approval. Well, with a small stretch of the imagination, it could be called a nod. Really, his head only moved about a millimeter.

She hadn't been able to sleep. They'd arrived back at what would've been four in the morning according to the Watchtower clocks, and she'd been the only one to arrive on the platform. It seemed the Flash and Batman got transported right back to wherever it was they called home. So she'd been wide awake and on her own. She'd wandered the Watchtower for hours before making her way back to her favourite spot- standing on the control room deck, as close to the view as she could get without going through the wall.

She'd done nothing but think ever since. The Watchtower was just starting to come alive for the day- at eight in the morning. Jay ignored the emerging bustle around her. Something wasn't right. She couldn't really put her finger on what it was, so Jay did what she did best. She let her minds wander.

---

_Don't you think it's about time we head for bed?_

_What do you care? It's not like you're in charge of the body or anything. You can go to sleep whenever you want._

_You're not fooling me. I felt the fear behind that suggestion. You don't want to be alone again so soon._

---

Jay focused on the glittering panorama in front of her, trying to ignore the fear that jolted through her at the thought of not hearing her other self. It was a physical sensation: her stomach dropped, her heartbeat quickened and her jaw clenched as she tried to fight her own reaction down. She had to stay in control. She didn't spare a thought to the people starting their day around her.

---

_It's the jolt! That's it!_

_What's it?_

_That's what was wrong! Remember how I told you there's a jolt every time you see the Flash? _

_Yes._

_There hasn't been one. Not a single one, the whole time we were down there with him. _

_Isn't that good?_

_Yes. No. I don't know. _

---

Jay shook her head, a feeling of uneasiness replacing the fear that had been coursing through her barely a minute ago. At the edges of her consciousness she registered the called helloes of the Tower staff, and the tapping of keys as Mr. Terrific started up the main computers to scan through the world events that had happened while he'd been asleep. All perfectly normal noises, but Jay didn't feel normal. She didn't know which part of her the uneasiness came from- both of her seemed to be restless, suddenly. It felt like something was about to go really, horribly wrong.

---

_You're feeling a lot more than you normally do._

_What?_

_Fear. Uneasiness. Since when do you have emotions? Let alone emotions so strong you're getting a physical reaction from them? _

---

"Shut up." Jay mumbled, her knees going so weak she stumbled. She didn't like what she was hearing.

_See what I mean? Are you sure you're in control?_

"I have to be!" Jay answered, nausea rising in her throat. "I can't lose control!"

_So get a hold of yourself! _

"I can't!" Jay's voice began to rise as she tottered back another step, her hands beginning to shake and her breath speeding up. The few people on the control room deck looked at her curiously, but Jay didn't even notice their attention. "What's happening? I can't control this! I'm _shaking_!"

_Let me take over! Why are you stopping me taking over?_

"I'm not!" Jay screamed, the panic vibrating through her voice. Above her, Mr. Terrific leaned over the computers on the upper deck and called out to her. Jay ignored it. "Take over! Help me!"

_I can't! I can't take over!_

"I can't control this!"

_Oh shit._

---

You know how I mentioned about those Jolts? It seems like they learnt a new trick: the trick of absorbing all the jolts that should have been happening in the last twenty four hours, and making one big strong Jolt with them.

Strike that. There's two new tricks. Whatever it is has also learnt how to hide from me.

Well, I say hide. A better way of putting it would be to say that it's learnt to stand behind me, where I can't see it. It's screwing with my mind, trying to figure out where it could possibly have been. Hello, we're in the same head! I see everything that goes on in this head! That's my _job_!

Apparently, I suck at my job. Which means we are all in a lot of trouble, because I bet you also remember what I said about what happens when the Jolt gets out? It goes ballistic. And right now, it's a very big Jolt. You know how it feels to have this huge, tremendous tidal wave build up behind you silently, so you don't notice, and then suddenly everything goes dark and you turn around and behind you is this great towering wall of natural disaster?

Well, now I do.

And all that fear that Dr Destiny inspired in the sensible me? The one who's supposed to always stay in control and never feel any emotion? It seems her fear opened a door that this Jolt is more than happy to use. It seems like we're about to find out what happens when the sensible me finds her emotions…


	2. Control

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Justice League/ JLU.

**Psychotic**

**Control**

"HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME? HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT ME THAT WAY? WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO CALL ME INSANE?"

With every screamed question, destruction fell around the control room. Psychotic levitated in the centre of the room, hovering above the transporters, wild purple magic flickering around her. Her eyes flared and her ebony hair floated around her, violet sparks giving her electric highlights. Another wordless scream, another thrown bolt of purple energy and the main console of the upper deck was torn out and hurled violently against the transparent panes of the viewing window. Miraculously, they held.

"We need backup!" Mr. Terrific screamed into his communicator as he launched another ball of tear gas at the girl. So far the tear gas had proven ineffective, but Mr. Terrific was a firm believer of that old adage: if at first you don't succeed…And he was all out of alternative ammunition. She'd carelessly waved aside everything he'd thrown at her. Stargirl was lying stunned, thrown against the central support of the Watchtower. Vigilante was shooting bullets at her, trying desperately to find a weak point before she tore the tower apart. The bullets had proven to be as effective as the bombs. At least the tear gas seemed to piss her off.

She turned her attention on Mr. Terrific, the violet flares of her eyes focusing on him beyond the tear gas billowing around her. The words she spoke next were the first that she hadn't screamed. The low growl they were delivered in wasn't much better.

"This gas will do nothing. Your bombs will do nothing. YOUR BULLETS - " Her attention turned briefly to Vigilante, a bolt of purple magic lifting him off his feet and throwing him against the wall. "YOUR BULLETS DO NOTHING! I AM PSYCHOTIC!"

Mr. Terrific rolled behind the transporter console, crouching down behind it. He could sense her gliding slowly through the air towards him, could almost feel the static building up in the air around him as she gathered her power. Then came the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard in his life.

"Mr. Terrific! Bring us up there! Now!" Superman commanded across the communicator. Mr. Terrific didn't know what had taken so long, and he didn't care. Grabbing Stargirl's staff that had fallen about a foot away from where he was, he leapt from behind the transporter console and threw it at Psychotic. It took her by surprise, and while her attention was momentarily distracted Mr. Terrific frantically activated the transporter. Four columns of light materialized above the transporter pad, and as they faded, Superman, Wonder Woman, Flash and J'onn J'onzz leapt into action.

"YOU!" Psychotic shouted, the passionate hatred in that one word freezing everyone in the room for a millisecond. Mr. Terrific followed her enraged stare. It was focused on Flash. She seemed to be paying no attention to the other three newly arrived heroes, not even as Superman slammed into her, pushing her back and slamming her up against the back wall of the room so hard that it left a dent.

She didn't even feel it. A bolt of magic sent Superman right back the way he came, crashing directly into Wonder Woman, who didn't even have time to get out of the way. As soon as they were out of the way, Psychotic's intent glare found Flash, latching on to him where he stood staring in amazement. A wicked grin spread across her face as she let loose another surge of power.

Flash sprinted out of the way as J'onn rammed into her from the side. This time she wasn't even pushed out of the way. With a nearly casual wave, Psychotic threw J'onn right out of the control room doors which she then immediately slammed. No sooner had the doors shut than the pounding of the Martian trying to get back in began. One bang, and then he phased through the door. She never once took her eyes off Flash.

Psychotic was talking again. Not screaming, but murmuring, an ugly smile painted on her face, her expression one of deep hatred.

"You were always there. Everyone's hero, saving people all the time. Saving everybody! You saved everybody! Everybody else, but me!"

J'onn, Wonder Woman and Superman had all recovered and were circling around Psychotic. She still paid them no attention, her concentration on Flash, who simply looked confused.

"I never saw you before a couple of months ago! I didn't know you needed saving!" Flash protested, backing away as she advanced, hovering closer to the ground as she got nearer to him.

"You didn't know? Of course you didn't know! You weren't paying attention, were you? You never cared. You're the superhero of Central City, but you never, ever cared!"

Flash's face creased up in confusion. What she was saying wasn't making sense, but if he could keep her talking, then maybe J'onn could get a hold of her and into her mind to calm her down.

But J'onn never needed to.

Suddenly, the magic went out of her. She dropped the last few feet to the ground as the aura of sizzling magic disappeared leaving nothing but a purple afterglow in everyone's vision. She fell to her knees, her eyes shut tight, her arms clutching her head, mumbling to herself. Finally she looked up, her eyes, back to their natural brown, looking straight at Flash again, but this time not seeing him.

"You're not making any sense! That doesn't make sense! He didn't even know we were alive, how could he possibly have helped us?" Jay's voice rang out. It was definitely Jay, not the deranged ramblings of Psychotic.

Jay's entire aspect changed again. Everyone else in the room tensed, J'onn ready to leap at her and calm her mind telepathically. Even Mr. Terrific, kneeling over Stargirl on the other side of the room, was splitting his attention between the scene and taking care of the fallen heroes.

They all relaxed again when Jay simply curled up, tears evident in her voice as she replied to herself. "He's the hero. Heroes are supposed to help. All those times they shouted at me when I couldn't help what I did. All those times, he never helped."

"He didn't know! Who would've told him?" Jay straightened up again, the tears drying up, only to return as she slouched back down a second later. Superman had to look away before he got too confused.

"He's the hero. Heroes are supposed to help." The teary voice repeated.

"He couldn't know. It's not his fault." Jay murmured, soothing herself. "Go to sleep. You're tired; you don't know what you're saying. Just sleep. It'll be better in the morning."

Jay fell forward, eyes closing, but caught herself on her hands before she landed face first on the floor. She shook her head, and pushed herself to her feet, then for the first time looked around the control room.

"I did this?" She gasped, staring at the destruction around her, then at all the heroes groaning to their feet. J'onn, Wonder Woman and Superman landed around her, and Flash moved closer so that they were all surrounding Jay. She looked up at their stern faces, a sinking feeling of despair making its way to the pit of her stomach. "I didn't mean to do this." She whispered, lowering her gaze in shame, trying desperately to hold back her tears. She was so exhausted- it wasn't this personality that had just torn apart the watchtower, but it was this personality now in a body almost completely drained of energy. All she wanted to do was sleep, but first, she'd have to face the consequences.

"It's the second time you've done this. And the second time you say you didn't mean to." Superman's voice was stern as he frowned down at Jay. She didn't have the heart to look up. She didn't want to see their looks of rejection. Just like every other time her magic had escaped her control, they were all going to shout at her.

And then, as had happened every time before, they would send her away.


	3. Explanation

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Justice League/ JLU.

**Psychotic**

**Explanation**

"Ooh my aching head!" Jay groaned as she rolled over in her bed and pulled the blankets up over her eyes. "Did you steal the body and go drinking again?"

_No._

Jay opened her bleary eyes, and focused on her bedside lamp. "No?"

_No._

"You don't seem very…happy." Jay said to herself, on unsure territory. Her other self was rarely unhappy, and even more rarely angry, especially not at Jay herself.

_You don't say._

There was almost no emotion in the voice reverberating through Jay's head, which was definitely odd. If there was one thing her other self _always_ was, it was emotional. But now she was speaking in a deadpan voice that barely allowed a change of tone to communicate the sarcasm.

"Ok. So what did I do?" Jay asked defensively, already trying to think up excuses for why her other self was unjustified in her anger.

_You don't remember?_

The voice was furious, her emotion finally breaking through her attempt at indifference. The anger coursing through Jay was almost a physical entity, the waves washing over her. Her body stiffened, her face flushed, her breathing got deeper. But it was still sensible Jay in control- reacting to her other self's anger? Since when?

"What's going on here?" Jay asked, sitting up in bed despite protests from her head. She threw off the blankets and swung her legs off the side of the bed.

_What's going on? What's going on is that you nearly decommissioned the entire Watchtower yesterday morning! You went crazy, you tore the control room apart, you completely whooped everyone who was in there, and then-_

"Then?" Jay repeated, her voice rose an octave. There was more?

_Oh yes there's more. There's more, and it's worse! _

"How can it be worse?" Jay whispered. All she heard was 'you went crazy', over and over again, running through her mind. She went crazy, again. That meant the shouting, the disgrace, the rejection. Tears welled up in her eyes.

_Superman arrived. With Wonder Woman and J'onn. And Flash._

"Oh no." Jay's shoulders slumped as a tear rolled down her cheek, quickly followed by another. Her time at the Watchtower had been the best and most content of her life. Now she'd ruined it.

_They attacked and you didn't even feel it. I still don't know how that happened. I couldn't even watch from the back of our mind. I couldn't control anything- I couldn't even find you in our mind for a while! And maybe that's a good thing, because we got hit by Superman. I think the magic was the only thing that kept us alive. _

"But they took us down?"

_I don't know if they would have been able to. Not before you destroyed the Watchtower. _

"So why did I stop?"

_You didn't. I stopped you. I finally managed to get through._

"How?"

_I… I'm not sure. I think it's because when I sensed you again I managed to get a hold on your emotions, get some control on them. Why didn't you ever tell me you blamed Flash for everything? You never so much as let the thought wander through your mind! I had no idea you hated him so much. _

A sob wracked Jay's frame as she crumpled back down on to the bed, burying her face in the pillows, crying a lifetime's hurt.

_Once I knew what the problem was… I've spent our whole life filtering out your emotions, keeping them away from you so that you could stay in control. I know it's been hard for you, and I know it's not perfect, but we both know it's the only thing that ever worked. Otherwise we really would be Psychotic. But it means that you can't deal with them. If you have an emotion, you don't know what to do with it, so I take over and just make it… less. I make it smaller, so you only need to handle a little bit at a time. I can only do that if I see the emotion coming, if I know to expect it. I can't do that if I don't know that you're feeling something. I had no idea you were harbouring all that anger, and all that hate. I'm still not even sure why. _

Jay dug her face deeper into the pillow, futilely trying to drown out a voice that came from inside her. With each softly spoken, sympathetic word Jay's heart felt like it broke a little more.

_Whatever the reason – and we'll have to talk about that later – once I knew what emotion I was dealing with, I knew what to do about it. Anger is countered with sympathy, and love. Hatred, with compassion. Emotion falls down to an attack with logic. _

"What does all that even mean?" Jay ground out between sobs.

_Basically I pointed out that you weren't making any sense, and you're so pedantic, even when you're furious, that it took the wind right out of your sails. It kind of… snapped you back into control. _

Jay had to snort in amusement at that. It was the absolute truth. Another stuttered breath and she'd regained a measure of control over herself. Enough to wipe her eyes, and pull her face out of the pillows. It was calm enough to make her realise the unusual thing about her current situation.

"Why am I still feeling things so much? I've never cried like this before."

_The magic in us has always passionately wanted to be free. That's the nature of magic- it's not being malicious, or anything. The only way it ever found to be let loose was to make you feel something so strongly that you lost control. All the positive feelings were relatively easy for me to filter- I know what makes you happy, what excites you, so I see that coming a mile away. Even what makes you angry and sad- I've a pretty good idea of that. But you never let on that you blamed all our misery on Flash. _

"It never made sense to me. I'd always start to feel angry at him- he's the hero of Central City. When we were younger, I never could understand why he wasn't able to help us. Why couldn't he find us a home? Somewhere we'd be accepted and could stay? When I thought about it logically, of course I understood that expecting him to make us happy was ridiculous. So I just never let myself think it, and just ignored it. I guess I just buried it."

_Ah. _

"Ah?"

_That would be why I never saw it coming. We're the same person, we're in the same head, but if you refuse to think something, then I'm going to have a hard time hearing about it. _

"So you never knew?"

_Never. I don't even know how that's possible- I thought I could see into every part of our mind… but by never thinking about your anger you effectively hid it from me. But not from the magic, which has been feeding off it for years… Oh, that makes no sense! None of this makes sense! _

Jay sighed, exhausted by the conversation, by having to learn so much about herself so suddenly, and by the crying. "You still haven't explained why I'm still so emotional."

_Because the magic blew such a hole in the wall I used to keep your emotions behind that I can't close it again. I'm afraid you're going to have to live with it for a little while longer- I can filter your emotions back off again, but it'll take a while. _

Jay nodded her agreement. They sat in complete silence, Jay staring out of the window at the great panorama of stars, her favourite view in the universe. She loved that feeling of unimportance, the promise of insignificance represented by that never ending, sparkling darkness. The promise that on the other side of the window was a place that she could just disappear and not have to deal with anything ever again.

The complacency lasted only a few minutes.

"I suppose they're all absolutely furious with me?" Jay broke the silence with her resigned comment.

_Define 'furious'._

"I guess I've got a lot to answer for."

_Yes._

"Better get on with it, then!" Jay sighed, and pushed herself up off the bed.


	4. Discussions

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Justice League/ JLU.

**Psychotic**

**Discussions**

"We cannot have someone with that much uncontrolled power running around on the watchtower! She nearly destroyed it!" Wonder Woman repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last half hour. "If she hadn't stopped, she would have killed everyone who was up here!"

"And where else do you suggest we put her?" J'onn asked with frustrating logic. He didn't seem particularly happy about the situation either.

"J'onn, she took a hit from me and didn't even feel it!" Superman protested. "If this happens again, maybe she won't stop herself in time!"

"Are you suggesting we leave her somewhere on Earth where next time she could hurt hundreds of people who are less equipped to protect themselves from her than we are?" Batman asked, his tone reflecting his disapproval of that idea.

Wonder Woman whipped her head around to glare at Batman. "If she destroys the watchtower and it goes crashing down on those hundreds of people, it'll be the same thing, won't it?"

"She wasn't anywhere near the engines. The watchtower was never in danger of falling out of orbit." Batman pointed out, irritatingly logical, as usual.

"What if she's wandering around down there next time?" Superman bit out.

"And what if she's wandering around a mall? The city centre?" Batman replied.

"Batman is right." J'onn's monotone cut across the table. "We cannot leave her in a populated area without supervision. She is too unstable."

"So we put her in an unpopulated area!" Wonder Woman answered, the solution evident as far as she was concerned.

"She's a city girl." Batman refuted. "She wouldn't manage in an unpopulated area."

"That's her problem!" Wonder Woman snapped.

A silence settled down around the table in the Justice League meeting room. The founding seven were all present, though not all of them were entirely up to speed. Shayera and Green Lantern had previously had very little to do with Jay, and had been hastily filled in by a livid Wonder Woman just before this emergency meeting had started.

"Let's recap." Green Lantern spoke up, having been silent for the majority of the argument so far. "She's a very powerful meta-human, right?" There were nods all around the table.

"She's so powerful that she was holding her own against four of us." Superman pointed out.

"Is there anywhere we can send her where it would be relatively safe to leave her?" John put the question to the group.

There was another silence as everyone at the table thought hard on the subject. When there was no reply after a few minutes, John continued.

"So we don't have a choice. We have to keep her under our direct watch."

Wonder Woman gave a sigh of frustration. "She's too dangerous. If this happened again, but this time she did manage to blow the tower apart, she'd put everyone up here at risk. Again."

"And there's a lot of innocent people who work up here." Superman pointed out. "As well as a lot of superheroes who spend a majority of their time here. It's a lot of people we're putting at risk."

"What about the ground station? We could set her up down there." Shayera suggested.

Batman shook his head. "It's in a city centre. At least up here, everyone at risk knows there's that danger, and has chosen to stay up here. Everyone has somewhere else they can be, if they prefer."

"You're not giving us much choice." Wonder Woman ground out.

"I'm not giving you any choice." Batman replied stubbornly. "On the watchtower is the one place she could stay that would put the least number of people at risk, and let us keep a constant eye on her."

Wonder Woman glared at Batman, who kept direct eye contact. Diana was the first to look away, conceding the point.

Superman didn't seem happy about it either. "If she's going to stay up here, then there will have to be restrictions about where she can go."

"Fine." Batman agreed. "So where can she go?"

"Her room. The canteen." Superman replied immediately.

"Just two rooms?" J'onn asked, a note of incredulity creeping into his voice. "She'd go even more insane than she already is."

Shayera sighed as everyone else around the table bristled up for another round of arguments. She exchanged a slightly exasperated look with John as the disputes started over again. Tuning out the bickering, Shayera glanced over at Flash, who had been uncharacteristically silent for the entire meeting. Not so much as an inappropriate pun had passed his lips, and in such a tense situation it was unusual for Flash not to be attempting to diffuse the arguments. He stood back from the table, leaning against a wall, his head bowed in concentration. He'd been completely still for the whole time. Shayera had never seen him stay in one place for so long.

"Right, so everyone's agreed?" Superman's stressed announcement whipped out across the table, snapping Shayera's attention back to the proceedings. "She can be in her room, the canteen, and the gym and training areas. Under no circumstances is she allowed in the control room, or any of the lower engineering levels of the watchtower. And she is never allowed to go down to Earth. These restrictions are to stay in place until she's proven she has complete control on her powers, and only then will we review them. She remains inactive- no missions. Ever."

Nods were given from around the table. None of them were happy, Wonder Woman still sure that the girl shouldn't be allowed to stay, J'onn unsure how the restrictions would affect an already fragile psyche, Batman not happy because that was his standard state. But Superman waited till each member had nodded agreement before moving to the next, no matter how long the nods were in coming.

"Flash?" Superman asked, when everyone else had given their silent agreement. Everyone twisted to look at Flash, who finally looked up.

"Huh?" Flash asked, still looking preoccupied.

"Do you agree to the conditions?" Superman repeated.

"Sure, whatever." Flash answered, waving a hand dismissively. "Listen, are we through here? I've got places to be."

All the other members exchanged surprised glances. Flash seemed to have lost his usual lighthearted tone, and it was unlike him to take so little interest in another person.

"We'll have to gather again when she gets up, to tell her the new rules." Superman replied. "But otherwise, yes, we're done."

"Great." Answered Flash, and walked out of the room.

A concerned silence followed his departure.

"Did Flash just _walk_ out of here?" John asked incredulously.

This time the nods were immediate, and bewildered.

"Flash _never_ walks." There were more nods to John's undeniably true statement. "I'm going to make sure he's alright."

The remaining six dispersed.

---

John caught up to Flash just outside the control room. Flash still seemed preoccupied, and he was still walking, instead of speeding around at his usual sonic velocities.

"Hey, Flash, wait up!" John called, grasping Flash's shoulder and turning him around. Flash seemed surprised to be accosted.

"What's up?" Flash asked. His voice had a forced cheerfulness in it, but John could tell Flash's heart wasn't really in it.

"You tell me." John answered. "You didn't say a word throughout that meeting. Were you even listening?"

"Sure I was." Flash shrugged, grinning tightly at John. "Why would anything be wrong?"

"Well, if you're sure you don't want to talk about anything…" John began.

"Green Lantern? Flash? Um, I… well. I… I guess I…" Both Flash and Green Lantern turned to stare at the young woman who'd interrupted. Jay looked up at both men, blushing at her inability to form a coherent sentence. Truth be told, she had no idea what she'd been expecting, or what she wanted to say when she saw any of the Justice League. She'd only just come up from her room, having taken half an hour to shower and dress before presenting herself for whatever punishment they'd see fit to deal out. She'd kind of expected them to start shouting at her before she even finished saying their names. Their expectant silence completely threw her off.

"I… I assumed you'd want to talk to me…" Jay mumbled, finally managing to string a sentence together, despite her growing awkwardness. This really was excruciating.

"We do." Green Lantern was the first to reply. Flash just stared at her, his eyes narrowed slightly in concentration. Jay focused her attention on Green Lantern, avoiding Flash's scrutiny. "Flash, round up the others and get them back to the meeting room. Jay, with me."

Jay meekly fell in beside Green Lantern as Flash ran off with a last backward glance at Jay. Considering the speeds he could go, and the communicators, odds were the other six would beat Green Lantern and Jay back to the meeting room. Just to play it safe, Green Lantern kept their pace slow.

He managed to keep the silence for a few minutes before curiosity overcame him. "You were only asleep for a few hours. Are you sure you're rested enough?" He asked.

Jay seemed surprised to be addressed so courteously. Her wide eyes snapped up to Green Lantern, but she only shrugged in reply and then cast her eyes down again. They didn't pass many other Leaguers, to Jay's relief. She was pretty sure the word about her outburst would have spread around the tower, and everyone would be avoiding her like the plague by now. She was, admittedly, really hungry- starving in fact- but she had been too afraid to go to the canteen and get herself some food.

_What's it matter anyway? Given another ten minutes we'll be packing our bags._

Jay sighed in agreement with herself, but since her eyes were still firmly fixed to the floor she didn't notice Green Lantern's curious look at her.

By the time they'd reached the meeting room, Jay had worked herself into a serious depression, convinced that she was about to be given her marching orders. It was one of the rare times in her life when both sides of herself were in complete agreement. Jay couldn't even work up the energy to be particularly upset about it.

The founding members of the Justice League were arrayed in stern state around the great round table in the centre of the room. Once again, Jay found herself standing in front of it as seven serious gazes bore into her skull. She focused on a spot in the very centre of the table, and occupied herself with trying to decide if the little spot was a scratch or some dirt, just to keep her mind off what was sure to come next.

"We have seriously considered your future Jay. It was a difficult decision." Superman began.

_Here we go. _

The obligatory commentary started up in Jay's head.

_This is where he says we're very dangerous…_

"You are an extremely dangerous individual." Superman continued.

_And our presence here puts everyone at risk._

"Your presence here puts everyone at risk."

_This time they were lucky, but next time we could seriously hurt someone._

"This time we were lucky, but next time you could seriously hurt someone."

_In consideration of this, they feel our continued presence here is impossible._

"However, this environment is probably the safest one you could stay in."

_Please understand, it's nothing personal, but…. Wait. What?_

"There is nowhere else we could send you where you could receive the help you so clearly need. We have therefore decided that you should be confined to the Watchtower until you can demonstrate adequate control of your power." Superman went on, completely oblivious to Jay's look of shock. She'd snapped her gaze from the spot on the table to look directly into Superman's eyes.

_Confined to the watchtower? Why is he saying that like it's a punishment?_

"We must consider the safety of the others on this station, so your movements within the tower will be severely restricted until you can prove you are no longer a danger."

_Restricted? _

"Restricted?"

"You will only be allowed to go to your room, the canteen, the gym and training areas, and the necessary corridors in between."

_Three rooms? We're only allowed in three rooms?_

"She's only allowed in three rooms?"

_Is there an echo in here? _

"Yes Flash." Superman addressed Flash, who had indeed been echoing Jay's thoughts. Everyone in the room turned to look at Flash, who was acting like all of this was news to him too. "You were right here when we decided all of this. You agreed to it."

"I did not!" Flash protested hotly. "I would never!"

"You were right here in the room Flash. It was put to the vote." Wonder Woman echoed Superman, exasperation in her voice. "You could have said something at any time!"

"But I…" Flash spluttered to a halt, unable to explain his absence of mind, but obviously gearing up to battle this out.

Jay cut in tentatively. "It's ok, Flash. I really don't mind."

_Like hell we don't._

_I don't mind enough to want Flash's help, anyway._

"I'm just really happy you're letting me stay." Jay continued. And she wasn't lying. She really was genuinely delighted that she wasn't being sent away to some strange, godforsaken desert somewhere. She couldn't keep the glow off her face or the happiness out of her voice. This was the Watchtower, the only place in the world she'd been truly happy, even for a few months, and despite knowing that it would all be different from now on and everyone would be awkward around her, it was still the one place in the universe that she wanted to be above any other. She could even handle the restrictions. Her only regret was not being able to go into the control room, and even then, she'd work on her control and would make them trust her again!

Jay couldn't help it. She beamed happily at all seven founding members. She barely stopped herself from throwing herself at them and hugging them in gratitude.

They stared back at her in disbelief.

_I am really going to have to work on getting these emotions under control…_

"Well, then…" Superman finally broke the silence, though his voice had lost all its customary self- assuredness. "I guess that's settled…"

Jay nodded, still smiling delightedly, to the continued amazement of everyone else in the room.

"Um. You can go." Superman finished, pretty lamely. Jay didn't even notice, just nodded happily, sang a "Thank you!" and left the room.

Silence dominated once she'd left.

"She took that pretty well…" John said eventually. Shayera rolled her eyes.

"I don't think she's really demonstrating the appropriate level of repentance!" Wonder Woman accused, her voice laden with irritation.

"She understandably reacts differently to situations. I am sure there is a reason she appeared so callous." J'onn interjected in Jay's defense, though even he didn't seem certain about it.

Superman sighed and dropped his head into his hands. He could feel a headache of massive proportions amassing. "Someone has got to talk to that girl and figure her out."

"I'll do it." Flash volunteered.

Silence once again took over. At this rate, it was going to set up home in there.

"You are volunteering to have deep, soul searching talks with a girl who professes to hate you." Batman asked, deadpan.

"Well, she did show up in my city!" Flash replied, lifting his arms in front of himself as if to ward off the disbelieving stares. "And anyway, the rest of you would probably scare her."

Nobody disputed this.

"Fine." Superman decided, standing up. "Flash, you talk to her, sort this thing out. I, for one, am going to get away from here before she does something else to complicate my life."

With unanimous agreement, the meeting ended.


	5. Third

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Justice League/ JLU.

**Psychotic**

**Third**

Jay sidled round the edge of the canteen, doing her level best to be completely unnoticeable. The room was as close to empty as the canteen could get, what with it being nine thirty in the evening and fifteen minutes before the food stopped being served. In the week since the Incident Jay had been leaving her dinner as late as possible to ensure the fewest number of people present as possible. She grabbed breakfast at some truly ungodly hour before scampering back to her room in the morning to sleep the day away. Jay stayed up most of the night, having discovered that the gym and training areas were in fact open all night long. It was the only time absolutely no-one was ever in there. So far Jay had just gone in and punched the bags a bit, done a few weights. Wildcat had offered to keep up her lessons but she'd made up some excuse about having hurt herself. She didn't feel up to being around people, if she could avoid it. She'd also waved off Zatanna's offer of training, saying she needed some time off to get her mind(s) together. She was terrified of accessing her magic.

_Terrified? Of the magic? No you're not. You're terrified of becoming Psychotic again._

_Well, she's indelibly linked to the magic. So indirectly, yes, I'm terrified of the magic._

It took only a minute to get around to the most obscure table in the canteen, sit down with her back to the rest of the room and hunch over her food. She began scarfing down the pasta as fast as she could without choking, praying to be left alone. As usual, nobody disturbed her.

It gave Jay space to think while she ate. They were the same thoughts she'd been having since last week- mostly about Flash. She'd finally had to confront the fact that she blamed Flash for so much. Logical or illogical, it was an emotion, and she was having to face up to the truth of how very ill equipped she was to deal with emotion. They weren't her domain, she hadn't even known she was capable of feeling that much.

_Even I'm not sure where it all came from._

Jay shrugged. If her other self didn't know, she sure as hell didn't have a clue. She controlled the magic. That's what she was for. It didn't make sense for her to have the capacity for that much emotion.

_What do you know? You're not perfect._

Ten minutes later, Jay set her tray on the trolley, and hastened out of the canteen, keeping her head down and her eyes on the floor. Despite there only being about ten people in the huge food hall, Jay was desperate to avoid even those few.

She'd nearly made it out the door when a streak of red flashed by her and resolved itself into a grinning Flash.

_Oh fu-_

"Wait up!" Flash said, jovially, grinning winningly at Jay. Jay couldn't answer. At the very sight of Flash, the old familiar hatred had risen from inside her. She stepped back before she could control herself.

_No, don't 'control yourself'. Let yourself feel._

_If I 'let myself feel' I'm going to hurt this man._

_Look, you feel, I'll deal. That is the arrangement, right?_

_Fine. So deal already._

Jay gritted her teeth as hatred, anger and misery welled up. Her gaze lost its focus as eighteen years of fury crashed over her in waves. Responding to Flash wasn't even an option.

"Uh, are you OK?" Flash's concerned voice penetrated Jay's fog of emotion. She looked up just as he moved forward, reaching out to steady her with a helping hand.

Jay launched herself backwards so fast she nearly sprained her neck.

_Stay away from him! I can't-_

_Why aren't you controlling this? What's happening?_

_I don't know! I can't-_

"Hey, easy! Take it easy!" Flash sped to Jay's side, his hands on Jay's shoulders before she could think. His face next to hers, a worried frown creasing his red mask with the stupid gold lighting bolts, the same stupid lightning bolts that tormented her with their damned cheerfulness while she grew up in such wretchedness.

Jay pulled back from Flash with a cry of anguish, the feelings of loathing overwhelming her.

_What is happening? What's happening?_

_I don't know! I can't control this! It's not- it's not coming from you!_

_Then where is it coming from?_

Both halves of Jay turned their thoughts inwards.

_It's coming from… it's so deep inside! I can't tell! What's there? _

Jay delved into the recesses of her mind. Her other self piggy backed on Jay's consciousness, following her down. What they saw there made them snap back in fear.

Hidden in the very depths of their mind, in a place where neither ever thought to look, was a truth that shook them to their core, and scared them beyond all reason. There, in the very deepest part of their head, right next to the source of their magic, disguised by its roiling passion, was their worst nightmare.

There weren't just the two of them in there. There was another.

And that third was Psychotic.


	6. Psychotic

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Justice League/ JLU.

**Psychotic**

**Psychotic**

I am Psychotic.

Passionate hatred coursing in rivers wider than the Amazon and longer than the Nile, turbulent with waves of fury, fanned by a gale of anger. Such resentment, such intense antagonism, forming a vortex of screaming, shrieking rage.

I am Psychotic.

A lifetime of hiding, dodging into nooks and crannies in the landscape of a soul. The ever present worry of being found, being torn out, discarded. The constant need to keep a cover of magic, disguise the emotion with emotionally driven power. Surrounded by not one, but two psyches, and having to always hide from them.

I am Psychotic.

Crushing misery, every conscious moment, and every unconscious one. Nightmares of monsters in mirrors, and all around. Despair, hopelessness, and endless awareness of there never being any escape.

I am Psychotic.

Fear. Not just fear felt, but fear inspired. The only emotion ever seen on the rare occasions of emergence. Fear in the eyes of others. The nagging knowledge that there is fear felt even by _them_.

I am Psychotic.

And I am tired of hiding.

**To be continued...**


End file.
